Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
