yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
