: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
