the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
