he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize