I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
