doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
