Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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