it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
