I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
