If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
