Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
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