North Korea, Best Korea!
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
