Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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