I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
