she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize