Umm I'm too high to move.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
