lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
don't judge my taste in strippers
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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