All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
