this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
