He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
