shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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