I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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