At least make sure they are 18
Why
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
