god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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