i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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