I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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