Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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