If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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