I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize