I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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