My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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