if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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