Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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