I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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