Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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