Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
this is an emotional support booty call
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
