No awkward lesbian experiences without me
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
