I didn't shave. On purpose
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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