we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
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I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
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We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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