Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize