So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
