In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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