The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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