there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
