I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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