I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize