Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
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He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
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We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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