I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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