I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
