Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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