John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize