Texts From Last Night

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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.

  (407): View more from Florida

  I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.

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  (860): You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you. (407): I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige. http://tfl.nu/6i4m
  Replies (1) Good night (1493) Bad night (480)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?

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  (720): have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing? http://tfl.nu/o8yl
  Replies (51) Good night (4598) Bad night (1085)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Drinking in an igloo changes everything.

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  (412): Drinking in an igloo changes everything. http://tfl.nu/71hs
  Replies (37) Good night (6681) Bad night (686)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.

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  (831): I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am. http://tfl.nu/8xi2
  Replies (15) Good night (8998) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  How are you feeling today?

  (330): View more from Ohio

  i could've thrown up on command at any point today...

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  (907): How are you feeling today? (330): i could've thrown up on command at any point today... http://tfl.nu/ewp1
  Replies (10) Good night (1176) Bad night (4607)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.

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  (914): I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here. http://tfl.nu/s43y
  Replies (15) Good night (4971) Bad night (1324)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.

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  (919): Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick. http://tfl.nu/djhd
  Replies (23) Good night (7411) Bad night (1075)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.

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  (248): he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg. http://tfl.nu/hgt4
  Replies (24) Good night (1312) Bad night (5068)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.

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  (201): Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys. http://tfl.nu/w09r
  Replies (8) Good night (2046) Bad night (813)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.

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  (860): I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS. http://tfl.nu/9u6p
  Replies (9) Good night (1540) Bad night (700)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  "Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.

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  (845): "Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life. http://tfl.nu/f41e
  Replies (3) Good night (635) Bad night (1137)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  Our room will be decorated with my urine.

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  (434): Our room will be decorated with my urine. http://tfl.nu/12hg
  Replies (2) Good night (523) Bad night (1829)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"

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  (606): And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?" http://tfl.nu/s0we
  Replies (4) Good night (570) Bad night (377)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder

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  (217): turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder http://tfl.nu/r034
  Replies (0) Good night (522) Bad night (295)
• Favorite

  (587): View more from Alberta

  We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.

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  (587): We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator. http://tfl.nu/8kzg
  Replies (2) Good night (382) Bad night (177)

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