Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.