my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.