Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
