There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper