Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
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I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
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Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story