Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season