five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
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I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.