Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast