We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
