I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
