ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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