these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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