i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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