how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Who died my cat blue again?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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