why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
