the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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